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Sexualization of Girls in Media – New Report

cleancutmedia — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 19:54:50 +0000

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Sexualization of Girls Report by the APA

American Psychological Association came out with a report that shows girl as young as 4 and 5 years old are wearing new clothing styles such as push-up bras, thongs, mini skirts and other adult type outfits. Following the onslaught of media images girls see on TV, there is a changing standard born out of the pressure these images give to children to “get with it” or “fit in”. This report brings up the decrease in self-esteem and the increase in depressions and eating disorders linked to the increasing sexualization by the media. It also emphasizes the increasing underage sex rate.

Please don't let your daughters dress like this

Defining Sexualization of Girls

The APA taskforce on the Sexualization of Girls was formed in response to these public concerns. The APA taskforce also produced reports on the Violence in Mass Media, Advertising to Children, Video Games and Interactive Media among other similar reports. The “sexualization” process was defined having one of the following criterias.

a persons’ value comes only from his or her sexual appeal or behavior, to the exclusion of other characteristics;
a person is held to a standard that equates physical attractiveness with being sexy;
a person is sexually objectified – that is, made into a thing for other’s sexual use, rather than seen as a person with the capacity for independent action and decision making; and/or
sexuality is inappropriately imposed on a person

Examples of Sexualization in Advertising

Sexualization of Girls is pervasive throughout all media. The report outlines a few categories:

Ads – Sketchers “Naughty & Nice” – featured Christina Aguilera dressed as a schoolgirl in pigtails with her shirt unbuttoned, licking a lollipop
Dolls – Bratz Dolls – dressed in sexualized clothing such as miniskirts, fishnet stocking, and feather boas
Clothing – thongs sized for 7-10 year old, some printed with slogans such as “wink wink”
TV – Televised Fashion show in which adult models in lingerie were presented as young girls.

In addition, I find the most powerful media messages are often a lot more subtle. It is true that the constant barrage of images of pretty women with questionable outfits changes what we consider the “norm” in terms of how we define “beauty” and what is “appropriate” behavior. However just as powerful, is the message found in the lifestyles of sitcom characters. People love watching sitcoms. They become attached to characters and they see the characters in the context of “life”. When people watch their beloved characters living a promiscuous lifestyle or behaving in a sexualized way (using their beauty to charm guys, chasing after pretty woman, gawking at a pretty girl who walks by) we take in these “behaviors” as normal reactions and how things actually are in the real world. We learn what is normal through what we observe in carefully constructed sitcoms that milk on what sells and let’s face it – sex sells.

Interesting Studies of Sexualization in Report

List of some interesting studies covered in the report:
Note that these bulletpoints are not at all comprehensive.

Sexualization inhibits Mental Capacity – Women who were in bathing suits trying to conduct a test did poorly then when wearing sweaters. Men found no such drop off. Thinking about the body and comparing to sexualized cultural ideals disrupted mental capacity.(Frederickson, Roberts, Noll, Quinn, & Twenge 1998; Gapinski, Brownsell, & LaFrance, 2003)
Mental Health Problems - Researched links sexualization with 3 of the most common mental health problem of girls and woman: eating disorders, low self-esteem, and depression (Abramson & Valene, 1991; Durkin & Paxton, 2002)
Diminishing Sexual Health – Self objectification linked directly with diminishing sexual health among adolescent girls measured by decreased condom use and sexual assertiveness. (Impett, Schooler, & Tomlman 2006). Negative effects such as shame due to sexualization may lead to sexual problems in adulthood (Brotto, Heiman & Tolman, in press)
Sexual Stereotypes - Girls and young woman who more frequently consume or engage with mainstream media content offer stronger endorsements of sexual stereotypes that depict women as sexual objects (Ward, 2002; Zurbriggen & Morgan, 2006)
Effects on Men – Exposure to narrow ideals of female sexual attractiveness make it difficult for some men to find an “acceptable” partner or to fully enjoy intimacy with a female partner (Schooler & Ward, 2006)

Problem of Sexualization of Girls is Deep

The problem is not just the clothing they wear or even what girls are learning about sex – the problem is that girls at a young age are being taught how to approach relationships and how to approach intimacy. Media is teaching girls that being sexy and using their sexuality is important. Even Disney is responsible for using pretty, skinny woman characters using their beauty to get what they want. In the real world, many big name celebrities also are using their “sexuality” for all it’s worth.

Parents: Protect Your Child from Sexualization!

The ultimate message is that parents must protect their child. Some may think it’s cute to allow their young daughter to wear t-shirts that say stuff like “Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me” (the main line from a popular song) or allow your daughters to those “cute” mini skirts or short-shorts that have things written on their bottoms. To buy them make-up kits as a child and teach them to adorn themselves with beauty products. But it won’t be funny when those very children becoming sexuality active by middle school and learn to objectify themselves, placing their self-worth on how they look.

Download & Read the Full “Sexualization of Girls” Report Below

Please let us know what other good pieces of statistics or information you find below in the comments section!
Also what are your thoughts about the Sexualization of Girls? Do you see it as a big problem?
What do you think we can do?

Summary: Executive Summary
Full Report: Report of the APA Task Force on the Sexualization of Girls (PDF, 408K)

The proliferation of sexualized images of girls and young women in advertising, merchandising, and media is harming girls’ self-image and healthy development. This report explores the cognitive and emotional consequences, consequences for mental and physical health, and impact on development of a healthy sexual self-image. – American Psychological Association

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Craigslist “Erotic Services” vs Henry McMaster

cleancutmedia — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 15:00:44 +0000

Craigslist Threatened by Attorney General for Erotic Services

Are you aware that Craigslist were making headlines among the internet sphere for their battle against South Carolina’s Attorney General for the controversial “erotic services” column.
Were you aware Craigslist even had such a category?

Craigslist has become an household name as the place to go to find jobs, to buy and sell items anything from a used DVD to cars to houses. The service boasts 40 million classified ads posted every month. Amidst all the different categories and millions of posting, what often goes unnoticed is the “erotic services” section that is unfortunately accessible to anyone. Adults, Children- anyone can access these classified section.

The Attorney Generals of several states demanded that Craigslist shut down this service as it promotes prostitution. Craigslist chose to implement changes in response to their concerns. It adopted screening measures that were recommended and removed the “erotic service” category… kinda.

Craigslist is Protected under Federal Law Section 230

To Craigslist credit, they did this despite technically being protected under federal law for content posted by users. Section 230 CDA protects free speech online and it is often used to protect sites like Youtube from being completely shut down to do user videos that violate copyright law. If a prostitute advertises illegal services and carries it out, the prostitute is guilty but Craigslist is free of any crime.

However the Attorney General of South Carolina, Henry McMaster, believed this wasn’t enough and threatened criminal charges if Craigslist did not comply. Craigslist had recently entered into South Carolina and was quickly adapted by it’s residence. McMaster sent Craigslist an ultimatum demanding ALL sexual postings be removed from Craigslist South Carolina. He first threatened legal action if Craigslist did not comply in 10 days.

“remove the portions of the Internet site dedicated to South Carolina and its municipal regions which contain categories for an functions allowing for the solicitation of prostitution and the dissemination and posting of graphic pornographic material”

10 days passed. No Compliance. Henry McMaster than stated they will start a criminal investigation.

“As of 5:00 p.m. this afternoon, the craigslist South Carolina site continues to display advertisements for prostitution and graphic pornographic material. This content was not removed as we requested. We have no alternative but to move forward with criminal investigation and potential prosecution.”

Drama Unfolds – Craigslist vs Henry McMaster!
Craigslist decided it needed to take an offensive position. Craigslist responded with a flurry of blog entries stating that he Henry McMaster was in the wrong. Craigslist demanded an apology stating that though they are constitutionally protected they complied with requests from the Attorney Generals with a strict ad screening regimen, and that many more prominent companies were doing far worse. Here is an entry:

Many prominent companies, including AT&T, Microsoft, and Village Voice Media, not to mention major newspapers and other upstanding South Carolina businesses feature more “adult services” ads than does craigslist, some of a very graphic nature. For a small sampling, look (careful NSFW) here, and here, and here, and here, and here, and here, and here, and here, and here, and here, and here.
- [All "here" were links to various companies that allowed adult advertising. Links have been removed]

No Apology came and Craigslist filed it’s own lawsuit.

Henry McMaster Office claims Victory

More importantly, overnight they have removed the erotic services section from their website, as we asked them to do. And they are now taking responsibility for the content of their future advertisements. If they keep their word, this is a victory for law enforcement and for the people of South Carolina.

Immediately the media went on a frenzy, calling this simply a PR ploy in response to the suit against the the office. They were claiming victory for something that happened over a week ago and it only came after Craigslist sued Henry McMaster seeking declaratory relief. He has also been accused of attacking Craigslist as a way to gain attention and prominence in office.

Final Thoughts – Craigslist is Right, but…

I agree with Craigslist that Henry McMaster cannot simply point them out and ignore the fact that this is happening everywhere. The big companies like AT&T, Microsoft, and Village Voice Media are all guilty of doing the same thing. All the big newspaper media companies also allow similar advertising. If you go after one you have to go after all if truly this is your conviction. Even if it means ruining one’s own standing with the media and losing political support from these big name companies. The Craigslist CEO’s response was very well written and very convincing.

However having said that, being that craigslist is so accessible by all people including teens and children i think it behooves craigslist to take the ethical route and simply rid itself from all sexually linked advertisements altogether. The step taken by Craigslist in placing strong filter is a great move and I applaud that. I also agree Craigslist is compliant to applicable laws. The point I do not agree with is the approach of pointing at others who are doing “worse”. What’s the big deal if I steal a bike when everyone else are stealing cars? Ultimately it is still the same thing. It is still wrong regardless of the “degree” of the act. Both parties should be held accountable. This is a situation where being compliant to law is not enough and the need to adhere to a higher moral law is in order. I say drop it altogether, admit it wasn’t right and become the force to encourage other companies to follow suit.

No More Erotic Services! Just Adult Services…

By the way – Craigslist got ride of “erotic services” but has now put up “adult services” open for posting by legal adult services. Postings will cost $10, reposting at $5. All proceeds go to charity.

Holy smokes. Does anyone find this a bit disturbing? Charity? That’s like taking blood money…

What is your take on this matter?
Do you agree with Craigslist or Henry McMaster?
What is the best way Craigslist should respond?

Teenager Pregnancy Statistics – Good News?

cleancutmedia — Mon, 11 May 2009 15:00:17 +0000

Did You Know: 3 in 10 girls in the United States gets pregnant before age 20.

Finally Some Good News – Teen Pregnancy

Could it be? Good news about teen pregnancy rates? According to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, teen pregnancy rates in the United States declined 38 percent between 1990 and 2004. Teen birth rate also declined 32 percent between 1991 and 2006. This was the case across all ethnic groups. More teenagers are waiting longer before having sex and those who were sexually active were using contraception. Great news right?

Well, it is good news that teenage pregnancies are were falling because it is noted that some teenagers are waiting longer. That is commendable. Shows better self-control. Shows perhaps some teenagers are putting a greater value on themselves, their body, as well as their actions.

However the fact that most of the decrease was due to the wider use of contraceptives doesn’t say anything about the continual growth of promiscuous living. Promiscuous living is live and well, all the more as media continues to feed such lifestyles as normal and something to be emulated. Sex is glamorized, one night stands common, making “love” and giving yourself to someone painted as something special. TV Shows, Movies, Music videos among other forms of media also often portrays that happiness can only be found in that one and only, thus fueling girls to make it their goal to find that perfect guy and giving up themselves along the process. As recent as 2007, 50% of teens have already had sex, 33% already by 9th grade.

That Wasn’t the Only Catch

Unfortunately this good news has recently taken a back step. Between 2005 and 2007, teen birth rates turned positive increasing 5 percent. The decline in sexual activity and the increase in contraceptive use both have come to halt.

% Decline on an Alarming Number is still Alarming

Between 1990 and 2006 we’ve seen visible decline in teen pregnancy rates and and teen births, but it’s still been estimated that 3 in 10 girls in the United States get pregnancy by age 20. 3 in 10. Let that sink for a moment. Think about your daughter and 2 of her friends. It is very possible that 1 out of the 3 will be pregnant by the time they are 20. When segmented into ethnicities, some of these pregnancy statistics become even more alarming. For example both Black and Latino girls show a pregnancy rate before the age 20 over 50%. That is every other girl. It gets no better in the following years as 6 in 10 pregnancies to women aged 20-24 were unplanned.

As of 2006, the United States also has one of the highest teen birth rates worldwide. 1.5X the rate of the United Kingdom which is the highest teen birth rate in Europe. 3X the birth rate as Canada. 8X the teen birth rate of Japan.

Most Teenage Pregnancies Don’t make it to Birth

Many media outlets are reporting that The National Campaign reports there are 730,000 teen pregnancies and more than 400,000 teen births annually. That is a very significant figure, however another small tidbit of statistic that is being lost here is.

What happened to the 330,000 pregnancies that did not result in a birth? 330,000 babies are aborted or simply don’t survive and reach birth. That is 45% of all teen births. Children of teenage pregnancies are far less likely to to get regular prenatal care which only compounds the problem that teenager births are often premature with low birth weights. Teen births are also twice as likely to suffer abuse and neglect. Also let’s not forget the psychological pains that will weigh on the teens mind if their child either is aborted or doesn’t make it to birth. The psychological trauma and emotional pains often go unreported but is well documented.

The Teenager Mother?

Often undocumented psychological trauma and emotion pains of losing a child either through abortion or immature deaths.
Fewer than half of teen mothers age 17 and younger ever graduate high school
Fewer than 2% earn a college degree by age 30.
25% of teen mothers end up with a second child within 2 years.
8 out of 10 fathers don’t marry the teen mother.
Daughters of teen mothers more likely to become teen mothers

Countering the Teen Pregnancy Statistics

Before we all despair, statistics show parents still have strong influence.

50% of the teenagers say their parents influence their decisions about sex more than friends.

Also there are ample teaching moments to give even after they have given themselves always to instill proper values or at least have an open dialogue about the issues of sex.

6 in 10 teenagers who had sex wish they had waited

Lastly, parents still can use their authority to control a teen’s media intake. Parents can screen movies, limit TV shows, filter the type of music their teens listen to, and monitor or filter their internet usage.

Also parents themselves can hold themselves to a higher standard by not watching any movies, TV shows or any other questionable material that promote promiscuous living or glamorizes sex. It can be beneficial both for your child, but also allows concerned parents to push against and refuse to support bad programming.

Sex Trafficking Victims – The Facts

cleancutmedia — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 08:01:39 +0000

Sex Trafficking Victim

Sex Trafficking Part II

Another followup article I would like to give attention too as I feel these issues do not get enough coverage in the media.

There is a video posted online with her discussing her trials.

Article is from the NY Times Opinion Section found here, video can also be found there.

Pross was 13 and hadn’t even had her first period when a young woman kidnapped her and sold her to a brothel in Phnom Penh. The brothel owner, a woman as is typical, beat Pross and tortured her with electric current until finally the girl acquiesced.

She was kept locked deep inside the brothel, her hands tied behind her back at all times except when with customers.

Brothel owners can charge large sums for sex with a virgin, and like many girls, Pross was painfully stitched up so she could be resold as a virgin. In all, the brothel owner sold her virginity four times.

Pross paid savagely each time she let a potential customer slip away after looking her over.

“I was beaten every day, sometimes two or three times a day,” she said, adding that she was sometimes also subjected to electric shocks twice in the same day.

Pross herself was never paid, and she had no right to insist on condoms (she has not yet been tested for HIV, because the results might be too much for her fragile emotional state). Twice she became pregnant and was subjected to crude abortions.

The second abortion left Pross in great pain, and she pleaded with her owner for time to recuperate. “I was begging, hanging on to her feet, and asking for rest,” Pross remembered. “She got mad.”

That’s when the woman gouged out Pross’s right eye with a piece of metal. At that point in telling her story, Pross broke down and we had to suspend the interview.

Pross’s eye grew infected and monstrous, spraying blood and pus on customers, she later recounted. The owner discarded her, and she is now recuperating with the help of Sina Vann, the young woman I wrote about in my last column.

Previous Article : Sex Trafficking – Where is the News Coverage?

Sex Trafficking – Where is the News Coverage?

cleancutmedia — Sun, 04 Jan 2009 09:10:58 +0000

Where is the Coverage?
One social issue that doesn’t get as much coverage as it should is the sex trafficking that occurs all around the world. The sex traffic business continues to loom large yet the atrocities involved never quite see the day light. Somehow someway the industries manages to keep it hush hush.

Sex trafficking revenue of people is estimated to be between $5 billion to $9 billion dollars. Often it is misunderstood as something people do voluntarily due to money or debt issues when in actuality many girls are abducted and kidnapped from an early age and forced into prostitution by force and torture. Up to 50% are minors. Sex trafficking occurs not just in notorious countries like Cambodia, Japan, Russia and Eastern Europe but here at home in the United States.

One recent “opinions” article that speaks of the issue and is highlighted below. (Why it an opinion article? Shouldn’t this be headline world news!?)

Full Article - Excerpts Below

Sina is Vietnamese but was kidnapped at the age of 13 and taken to Cambodia, where she was drugged. She said she woke up naked and bloody on a bed with a white man — she doesn’t know his nationality — who had purchased her virginity.

After that, she was locked on the upper floors of a nice hotel and offered to Western men and wealthy Cambodians. She said she was beaten ferociously to force her to smile and act seductive.

Again, I want to emphasize that many prostitutes found in third world countries are there not because they need to make money or chose to do it for a living. Many, if not most are there by force, trapped unable to escape. Others were deceived at a young age with promises of one thing only to find the old bait and switch. Below you’ll find a graphic description on what kind of “methods” are used to keep the girls in check.

As in many brothels, the torture of choice was electric shocks. Sina would be tied down, doused in water and then prodded with wires running from the 220-volt wall outlet. The jolt causes intense pain, sometimes evacuation of the bladder and bowel — and even unconsciousness.

Shocks fit well into the brothel business model because they cause agonizing pain and terrify the girls without damaging their looks or undermining their market value.

After the beatings and shocks, Sina said she would be locked naked in a wooden coffin full of biting ants. The coffin was dark, suffocating and so tight that she could not move her hands up to her face to brush off the ants. Her tears washed the ants out of her eyes.

She was locked in the coffin for a day or two at a time, and she said this happened many, many times.

Often when these girls are finally freed, they have the courage to stick around to help others who are in need, but at a tremendous cost. In many countries the sex trafficking is managed by large criminal organizations with immense power. Other countries, the law enforcements and infrastructure is not stable or strong enough to do anything about it. Often times the law enforcement themselves are corrupt.

Finally, Sina was freed in a police raid, and found herself blinded by the first daylight she had seen in years. The raid was organized by Somaly Mam, a Cambodian woman who herself had been sold into the brothels but managed to escape, educate herself and now heads a foundation fighting forced prostitution.

After being freed, Sina began studying and eventually became one of Somaly’s trusted lieutenants. They now work together, in defiance of death threats from brothel owners, to free other girls. To get at Somaly, the brothel owners kidnapped and brutalized her 14-year-old daughter. And six months ago, the daughter of another anti-trafficking activist (my interpreter when I interviewed Sina) went missing.

I hope this article and perhaps many more to come will offer some insight into the wrongs still found in our world that often goes unnoticed.

Thoughts? Comment Below.

Study Links Pregnancy with Watching Sexy TV Shows

cleancutmedia — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 02:08:12 +0000

New research found in the November Issue of Pediatrics, suggest that pregnancy rates are far higher in teens who watch a lot of “sexy” TV shows that involve sexual behavior and dialogue. Teens who watched such shows were twice as likely to become pregnant over the next three years.

This research focused on shows that highlight “positive aspects” of sexual behavior without properly showing the risks involved. Such shows can lead teens to have unprotected sex. This study follows previous research from the same group that have already found that watching a lot of sex on TV can influence teens to have sex at earlier ages.

This study involved 2,003 12 to 17 year old boys and girls questioned by telephone about their TV viewing habits in 2001. They were asked how often they watched any of of more than 20 TV shows that are popular among teenagers that have heavy sexual content. Example shows are “Sex and the City,” “That 70s show”, and “Friends”. This followed two more follow up calls which asked about pregnancy. 58 girls became pregnant and 33 boys said they got a girl pregnant.

Pregnancies were twice as more likely among those who watched such shows regularly compared to those rarely ever watched such shows. The rate of pregnancy was consistent across all the age groups. Other factors were considered such as school grades, family structure, parent’s education levels. Some factors that were not factored in were family values and income, thus some feel the study doesn’t adequately cover other factors that could help contribute to a particular sexual behavior.

US teen pregnancies were on a 15 year decline until a 3 percent jump in 2006.

Psychologist David Walsh, president of the National Institute on Media and the Family, cited data that show only 19 percent of American teens feel they can talk openly with a trusted adult about sex. With many schools not offering sex education, that leaves the media to serve as a sex educator, he said.

“For a kid who no one’s talking to about sex, and then he watches sitcoms on TV where sex is presented as this is what the cool people do,” the outcome is obvious, Walsh said.

He said the message to parents is to talk to their kids about sex long before children are teens. Parents also should be watching what their kids watch and helping filter messages sex-filled shows are sending, he said.

Opinions? What do you think? Please Comment Below!

There is Media, then there is Reality – Abortion

cleancutmedia — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 16:35:42 +0000

On one side, we see life through the lens of media. We see love stories, we see excitement, we see happy endings. Then there is reality where there are life scarring break ups, daily boredom that drives you mad, and people who are not very happy with where there life is going. We watch, see what we want, expect our lives to be pan out in a similar way and when it doesn’t.. we can easily become discontent with what we have now. Why don’t I have this? Why don’t I live like that?

Last week I wrote a blog post on media’s affect on sexual freedom and how media glorifies the promiscuous, carefree lifestyle and how it has impacted our views on the merits of abstinence. Well on the other side of this lifestyle is the dark realities that go often unspoken. Scarred hearts, ruined lives, loss of trust in people after being hurt, and the big ones such as STDS and Abortion. The real life consequences that for some reason TV shows don’t like to highlight and if it does, the problem somehow wraps up in 30 minutes or an hour and all is good at the end.

There is a site called “abortionchangesyou.com” that has stories of real people and their real experience dealing with the emotional consequences of abortion. Some speak for themselves, others for a loved one. Either way its a stark reality check that life isn’t as simple as the fictional stories we see on our tv screens or movie theaters. It also gives a moment of pause for those battling between pro choice and pro life that amidst all the fighting and arguing, there are real people out there that we should be sensitive to especially as it has become such a prominent political issue.

Think: At current abortion rates, 1 in 3 women in the US will have an abortion by age 45.

My Child would have been 22 this year
As a teenager, I assumed legalized abortion was necessary for women to attain their educational and career goals. So it’s not surprising that when I became pregnant at 18, I had an abortion.

I was completely unprepared for the emotional fallout after the abortion.

I thought the abortion would erase the pregnancy. I thought I could move on with my life.

I was wrong.

Although I didn’t feel this way before the procedure, it was now clear to me that the abortion ended the life of my child. I felt guilty and desired punishment.

I deserved to suffer.

I soon found myself in a cycle of self-destructive behavior
that included an eating disorder.

Desperate for a fresh start, I broke up with my boyfriend, quit my job, and moved from the Midwest to Hawaii.

Although Hawaii was breathtakingly beautiful and bursting with life, I felt dead inside. It didn’t take long for me to realize I couldn’t escape from myself.

About two years after the abortion, I was living in Southern California when I began experiencing periods of intense anger followed by periods of profound sadness.

For weeks and sometimes months at a time, I was too fatigued to do more than eat a meal and shower during the day.

I lost interest in food, and my weight fell dangerously low.

This downward spiral continued until suicidal thoughts began to scare me. That’s when I finally went to see a therapist.

With the help of counselors and supportive friends, my time of self-condemnation and self-punishment came to an end.

I was finally able to enter into a healthy grieving process.

As I grieved the loss of my child, I slowly became aware of how my choice to abort had impacted my family . . . a choice they only learned about when I decided to go public with my experience.

I was surprised and saddened that my parents, my sister, and even my children struggled to deal with the loss of a family member through abortion.

In addition to coping with the fallout that the abortion has caused in my family, there are still times that are painful for me.

After all, healing doesn’t mean forgetting.

If my child had gone to college, she would have graduated this year.
This child would now be a young woman with gifts and abilities,
hopes and dreams . . .

her whole life ahead of her.
There will always be a hole in my heart—
a hole in the fabric of our family and our community.

My child would have been 22 this year.

—Michaelene

I Never Had the Chance to Know My Brother or Sister
The day after I graduated from eighth grade,
my mother had an abortion.

She raised me to be pro-choice, so I really didn’t think much about it.

Well, not until last year.

While my mother was driving me back to college, out of the blue she told me she’d had another abortion while I was growing up.

At first I was shocked,
then I was appalled,
and finally I was angry with her.

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what it would have been like to have two siblings.

I’m angry with my mother that she would abort them—
that she would take them away from me.

I feel like my life as an only child is a lie.

But I also began to understand why my mother struggles with depression. While I was growing up, there were so many times that her bedroom door would be closed, and I could hear her crying in her room.

I feel compassion for my mother;
but at the same time, I am angry with her.
We used to be very close,
but now there is distance between us.

I want to repair the damage to our relationship; but first, I’d need to share how I feel about her abortions.

I’m afraid to do that—

I’m afraid I’ll hurt her,

I’m afraid I’ll be too angry to control myself.

—Amber

My Wife Gets Depressed around the Anniversary of Our Daughter’s Abortion
LISA AND ANN
When my daughter, Lisa, was in college, she became pregnant by an older man.

She called her mother and me for help.

Ann immediately caught a flight to be with Lisa and to help her think through her options. We wanted Lisa to have the baby; but ultimately, she chose to have an abortion.

Ann was devastated by Lisa’s decision.

Maybe if I’d been a better father, this wouldn’t have happened . . .

My daughter has never gotten over it. Lisa never married, and now it appears that she’ll never have any children. Since Lisa is our only child, that means we’ll never have grandchildren.

I think about the abortion from time to time, and it hurts me to do so. But I must admit—it’s much more painful to watch my wife.

Ann has never stopped grieving the loss of our grandchild. Every year on the anniversary of the baby’s due date, Ann mourns and struggles with depression.

Yet she won’t talk about it with Lisa because she doesn’t want to cause our daughter additional pain.

Abortion has profoundly affected our family.
It has changed all of us.

—William